I need............

About three weeks ago we did a week long exercise that was called plumb-line, the way that it was explained to me is it a term used by contractors to explain how one would align the foundation of the house.
And essential a line for us to positions one's life too, thus a part of my learning here includes this week that allows me to align evaluate what area in my life are not aligned in my relationship with Christ........................so here i am completely ready to be open and let the truth come out.......i was ready to apologize for my pride, how i had used my mouth(an constant place for repentance lol)...ect... we had been given a day to pray and to really listen to what we felt the Lord was saying.....so here i am ready with my list and feeling good......in class i am thinking 'here i am 30 years into this game of life and i kind of finally have some things figured out, i am not going to get completely side swiped on this one, no way. I have done this too many time before to not have something figured out.'   (not prideful at all, but no worries i was ready to repent of that) :)

This is one of those moments where i completely believe Jesus is chilling at the right hand of God having himself a good old laugh!!!! 

So as we are sitting in class praying, the facilitator comes behind me and I am thinking 'nope she won't have to say anything to me and if she does i already know what she has got for me..... Jesus already told me!"
As she begins to pray i feel this tinge, this moment of reaction when your body automatically prepares for impact......and it hits, she say "Siri, He needs you to need HIM!" I gasped, 'what, what, I need him' i thought and then came the flood of realizations that-no i didn't need Him, need Him..........I could talk about Him, I could listen to Him, I would and could learn from Him, I could pray to Him, I would let Him heal me and I would talk to Him, i could wrestle with Him and I could leave Him behind if he didn't fit my plans................... but had I ever truly allowed my self to just Need HIM! Never before had i thought that HE needed me to need him, to want him.........not because the day was bad or i could see Him moving or I need Him to move something, but just to need Him, for no reason, just becasue.  I thought once i get to this place or that He is just going to let me go and wait for me to come back when i needed Him, not when He needed me..............

It says in webster dictionary that the word need is defined as: require (something) because it is essential. And i sat in that moment tears streaming down my face feeling this reality that unless I was in a bad situation or it was a convince for me I had never said..........I need you, I just need you........I have never allowed Him to be a required because it's essential to me, essential to get up out of bed, to walk to the bathroom, to talk to the person in front of me that is standing at the bank..........
For years i have heard it, i have been around people who understand it and i for sure, have wrestled with it, but never has it penetrated the depth of my being that way it did in that moment.


As i wiped the tears from my face, I cried out 'Jesus I need you, I need you right now' and this image flooded my mind..........there i am my nose touching his, my hands wrapped in his as i clinch them near my cheeks and i am softly whispering.......i need you, i sooo need you.


That image continues to bring Joy to my heart and peace to my mind.............and i truly have to say has allowed me to see my relationship with Him in a way that has started a REVOLUTION deep down inside!!! (don't worry this one will be on YOUTUBE)LOL!! kidding


So I say all this my amazing friend and family that most of the time WE need Him but more importantly HE needs us!!!! He needs us to be what he has created...... strong, loving, amazing creations that realize that needing Him is just as important as loving Him!!!


I love u all so much and pray this rocks you like it rocked me!!!
Just so you know I can feel your prayers, hugs and love all the way down here!!! thank you!!!


SiRi

how close?

Last week this woman named Donna Partow stopped by to teach two classes and in those two classes i got my behind rocked by Jesus, through her.......she is an international christian author, teacher and motivational speaker...check her out when you get the chance http://www.donnapartow.com.

But one statement she said dug deep, she said: 'The most dangerous place for a christian to be is this close

oh soooo close!

to the will of God' and it hit me like a ton of bricks!!!! This has been my favorite place to be for the past 10 years; close enough to hear Him, close enough to run back when things get bad or i need some healing, close enough that when things don't go the way i want i can find a soft place to cry and close enough that i can jump in and out but really........ not close enough to stay, stay in His will.  And then it made me thing about surrendering and how i have continuously surrendered when i could see the outcome or the amount i would need to pay for the thing that God was asking from me.........  And in that moment it became clear, i had thought myself out of the will of God numerous time, too many times to count.  I had tried and failed many times to out think God, i have tried to get Him to move this way and that with arguments and well thought out plans so that in the end i would not have to move.......... this whole time He has just stood there........ consistent in His will for my life. He has stood and cried, stood and yearned, stood and prayed that i would take one step closer to His protection, to His forgiveness, to His will, to His desires for my life.  And until Donna said it, this concept had never penetrated my being like it did in that moment..........a concept that shook my very foundation.......i have the choice everyday to walk into and out of His will for my life but until i decide to walk in and sit down, decide to walk in and rest, until i walk in and let Him do all the thinking........i will continually be ooohhhh sooo close to the desires of my heart, i will be oooohhhh sooo close to the best future for me, i will continually be ooooohhhh soooo close to His life for me if only i could just get out of the way.........so my friends i can not say that i have been totally reformed, but i can say that my footsteps on the journey before me have come into quite a bit more focus!! And with that focus i am eagerly trying every day  to choose to walk in and sit with the One who has my life gently tucked next to His heart. He hasn't failed me yet!!! :) 

I pray this speaks to u as well!!

PLEASE PRAY WITH MY GROUP AS WE FIGURE OUT DETAIL OF OUR OUTREACH!

 Soon I will be sending out info on where we will be going on outreach!! 

Much love in Christ,

siri